10 Ways To Tell When People Are Using You, And How To Stop It


It’s not solely romantic relationships that may convey you to the purpose the place you’ve had sufficient. Toxic relationships can exist between associates, co-workers, or members of the family.

In the event that they act prefer it goes with out saying that you simply’ll do no matter they need, there’s a fantastic probability that they is likely to be utilizing you.

When individuals use you, it might probably result in you feeling such as you’re trapped in a relationship that’s making you sad, however you proceed it for one purpose or one other.

We’ll see tips on how to inform if somebody is utilizing you, why individuals use you, and what to do if it occurs to you.

Why Do Individuals Use You?

Egocentric individuals use you to satisfy their very own wants.

In a healthy relationship – constructed on a basis of respect, empathy, and communication – each individuals meet one another’s wants. Equality and kindness inform each side of such a relationship.

Individuals who use others for their very own achieve whereas disregarding your emotions assume they’re entitled to all the things they take from you with out giving something again.

A few of them do it on objective, and a few don’t even understand that how they use individuals is flawed.

Both manner, there are particular traits and behaviors that may usually be noticed in individuals who benefit from others.


Some individuals are merely egocentric and ungrateful. They search for any probability to get one thing for nothing.

The primary time you provide a selfish person something, they instantly resolve it’s their proper from then on. They begin to demand it and take with no consideration that you’ll present it.

To them, kindness is at all times an invite to make use of the one who gives it. They by no means cease to consider what it’s like for the opposite individual.

For instance, a member of the family who assumes that it goes with out saying that they may stick with you each time they’ve enterprise on the town.

They by no means cease to ask and even think about that they is likely to be inconveniencing you.

Regardless of whether or not you actually can’t do them a favor or are simply attempting to stay away from selfish people, for those who inform them no as soon as, they get mad at you for ruining their plans.


Insecurity is a sense of being inferior or insufficient, a scarcity of belief in oneself, and a way of isolation. Most individuals generally really feel like this to a sure diploma.

People who find themselves extraordinarily insecure really feel hostile, pessimistic, and needy.

They will find yourself directing their emotions into their relationships and switch into manipulative people who use their insecurity as an excuse to lash out at others.

Take, for instance, a good friend who makes you’re feeling dangerous about your self each time you see them. Your day was going high quality, and unexpectedly, you’re feeling nervousness and self-doubt.

For those who’re often not insecure however solely round this individual, they is likely to be projecting their insecurities onto you to make themselves really feel higher.

These are fake friends who solely hang around with you to make you depressing the best way their very own lives make them.


When some individuals lack management in sure areas of their lives, they turn into bullies in others.

Infuriated by their powerlessness, such individuals search for an outlet the place they’ll get it, and it’s often on somebody who exhibits them kindness.

An instance is a selfish husband who has issues at work and may’t do something about it. This frustrates him, and he takes it out on his household.

When he comes dwelling, he’s demanding, careless, and manipulative to his spouse. His dissatisfaction together with his circumstances and incapacity to do something about it turns him into an emotional abuser.


On the root of narcissism is low vanity. Narcissists cowl up these emotions with an excessive sense of entitlement and superiority.

They imagine they deserve sure issues and that it’s different individuals’s obligation to obey them. With the intention to elicit admiration, they brag about their accomplishments and exaggerate them.

As an example, a co-worker who takes credit score for a venture they have been solely marginally concerned in whereas being completely satisfied of their very own story.

Narcissists haven’t any associates. They stay in a fantasy world the place they’re the most effective at all the things, and others don’t matter.

The co-worker in query is likely to be optimistic that their contribution was essential and get livid if anybody suggests in any other case.

How Do You Know When Somebody Is Utilizing You? 10 Indicators

If somebody is utilizing you, there’s a excessive likelihood that you simply’re already conscious of it. Toxic people aren’t your true associates, and finally, this involves mild.

Somebody like this may look like a pleasant individual at first, however in time, you understand that one thing is flawed.

They could act like your finest good friend one second and exhibit passive-aggressive behavior the following.

Hanging out with this individual turns into a chore and provides you nervousness.

Is that this individual utilizing you? Right here’s tips on how to inform when individuals use you.

1. It’s all about them

While you start to note that your relationship is targeted solely on them, you’ll know for certain that somebody is utilizing you.

All the things revolves round their needs, pursuits, and moods. You’re at all times accommodating just one individual, they usually’re by no means round once you want them.

At one level, you understand that they view themselves as the primary character and also you as their sidekick. You’re at all times doing what they wish to do and going the place they wish to go.

Such individuals consider others as wholly unimportant, and mainly, anybody will do so long as they serve them.

2. They don’t hear

Your function within the relationship is to take heed to their tales of their very own brilliance and rants about anybody who doesn’t act in accordance with their expectations.

You’re there as an viewers. Such an individual received’t take heed to you however count on you to take heed to them.

They don’t actually know something about you as a result of on the uncommon probability you get the chance to speak about your self, they don’t listen.

The one curiosity in your life they ever present is feigned after they’re attempting to placate you in the event that they think about you may begin to insurgent.

3. They’re in command of the connection

You’ll know you’re coping with a toxic person for those who can by no means do something in your phrases.

You solely hang around when it’s handy for them. They don’t have the time, or they’re doing one thing extra essential.

Normally, they solely contact you when their different associates are busy, or if it’s a romantic associate, they solely name after they wish to hook up.

You discover out that they exclude you from issues, they usually really feel entitled to hitch in no matter you’re doing.

This type of controlling habits has no place in a very good relationship.

Read: The Attraction Trip-Wire, That Awakens a Man’s Deepest Longing for Love

4. They at all times need one thing

A good friend of yours disappears throughout a tough time once you want them most. No texts, no cellphone calls. While you run into one another, not even a “How are you?” as a matter of courtesy.

You is likely to be harm till the space makes you look again and understand that all through your apparent friendship, this individual was utilizing you.

They solely attain out after they want one thing, be it cash, firm, or consideration.

They by no means spend time with you with out anticipating one thing, so when you may’t do something for them, they’re gone.

And for those who dare deny them what they need or ask for one thing in return, they react with anger and indignation.

5. You at all times pay

That is an apparent one. An individual who’s utilizing you most likely by no means reaches for his or her pockets when it’s time to pay.

It’d occur little by little. At first, they solely pay their very own share, after which they neglect their pockets loads, then it turns into anticipated that it’s on you.

They ask to borrow cash, and to point out what a very good good friend they’re, they promise to pay you again.

They by no means do, after all.

6. They don’t recognize you

In equal relationships, each individuals consider one another as priceless, not due to issues they’ll get out of one another, however as a result of they’re each individuals and deserve respect.

For those who assist them or do them a favor, the opposite individual goes to point out gratitude and search for methods to make you cheerful too.

Individuals who use you by no means present any appreciation. They don’t do something considerate, don’t provide any assist once you want it, and don’t make any effort in relation to you.

They act like no matter you do for them is because of them and solely demand extra with none disgrace.

7. They’re manipulative

Somebody who’s attempting to use you for what they’ll achieve from you is keen to control you in plenty of methods.

As an example, they’ll do one thing small after which make it look like they did you an enormous favor and make you’re feeling such as you’re indebted to them.

They’ll act good after they want one thing however received’t assume twice earlier than betraying your belief if it fits them.

A manipulative individual will search for your weak factors attempting to undermine your self-esteem to make you simpler to regulate.

8. They’re all speak

Your emotions, consolation, and well-being aren’t important to somebody who makes use of others, solely their very own profit.

They lack empathy and don’t consider different individuals’s wants, in order that they’ll by no means really contribute to your relationship in any manner.

They’ll make plans with you and neglect them immediately or say they’ll do one thing, but it surely by no means occurs. For those who ask for one thing, they’ll say okay however ignore your needs.

They’re going to do as little as attainable for you, solely what’s completely essential to get what they need.

In some unspecified time in the future, you’ll understand they’re liars and cease taking them severely. After breaking their guarantees so many occasions, it’s apparent which you could’t belief them.

9. They don’t respect your boundaries

If somebody is utilizing you, you’ll discover that they haven’t any regard on your boundaries. They don’t care about what you need or don’t need, and your self-respect is irrelevant to them.

When they need one thing that you simply think about unacceptable, they’ll ignore you. They don’t take no for a solution, they usually’ll manipulate you so you may’t say no.

Such individuals received’t hesitate to guilt-trip you into doing what they need. For those who present resistance, they’ll gaslight you till you begin doubting your self and questioning in the event that they’re proper in any case.

For those who say one thing about their habits, a poisonous individual will get defensive and switch it again on you, making you’re feeling such as you’re the issue.

Read: Are You And Your Ex Meant To Be Together? These 15 Signs Say You Are!

10. You’re feeling they’re utilizing you

The largest signal that somebody is utilizing you is your emotions.

When individuals use you, you begin to resent them. They could be presenting your relationship as regular, however belief your intestine.

Feeling uneasy and uncomfortable round somebody often occurs for a purpose. When our instinct tells us one thing, it often means we’ve come to a conclusion with out consciously desirous about it.

If somebody takes benefit of your kindness, pretends to care for you, and ignores your emotions, finally, you’ll begin to dislike them.

At this level, you may begin questioning the place to go from right here.

What Ought to You Do If Somebody Is Utilizing You? 5 Methods To Finish It

While you’ve had enough of a toxic relationship, you shouldn’t let the one who used you flip you away from kindness however encourage you to ask for respect.

Kindness isn’t a flaw. Most individuals react to it with happiness and unfold that kindness to others.

There are some individuals, relationships, and experiences which may make it look like compassion is for suckers, however don’t allow them to discourage you from being form.

The right way to take care of individuals who use you

The scope of the issue is likely to be completely different for those who’re coping with a selfish wife or a random dangerous one who brought on you grief, however usually, the steps are the identical.

Read: 20 Bulletproof Signs Your Ex Feels Dumper’s Remorse

1. Understand you’re greater than what you are able to do for somebody

You’re adequate as you’re. Simply because you are able to do one thing doesn’t imply that you must!

An individual’s price isn’t measured in what they’ll do for anybody else.

Your time, consideration, assets, or love ought to all be given freely and never out of a way of obligation. It’s your alternative what you settle for and what you reject.

It’s extremely essential on your self-worth to appreciate that you simply don’t owe anybody something.

2. Create and implement boundaries

It’s usually the kindest individuals who get taken benefit of, but it surely doesn’t imply that being form routinely makes you a pushover or a goal.

Study to say no.

To begin with, that you must know your boundaries: what are the belongings you want and wish, and what received’t you settle for?

You’ll be able to nonetheless be giving and useful whereas asking individuals to respect your boundaries. Be courteous, however stand your floor.

3. Count on equal relationships

For those who assume that the one who is utilizing you would be an actual good friend in some unspecified time in the future, you most likely wish to repair and never finish the connection.

You can begin off by addressing your points. Name the individual out, remind them that respect is a two-way street and ask for an apology and a change in habits.

Some individuals who use others aren’t actually malicious about it, and there is likely to be hope for change.

Nonetheless, focus your consideration on their actions fairly than their phrases.

4. Ask for what you want

Asking for what you want is emotional self-care.

Everybody has must be met, however till we make them recognized, different individuals received’t know what they’re.

More often than not, individuals in a wholesome relationship will probably be pleased to supply issues the opposite individual wants.

As an example, your want for private house, the necessity to speak to a different individual once you’re having a tough time, or asking somebody to respect your opinion.

If you wish to get what you want, converse up.

Read: How to Get Your Ex Back: Learn the Secret to Opening His Heart Again

5. Stroll away

There may come some extent once you understand that there’s no serving to it and that you simply’ll solely be depressing for those who proceed the connection.

You’re completed with the opposite individual, and it’s time to cut them off for the sake of your psychological well being.

It’s by no means flawed to take away your self from a state of affairs or a relationship that makes you sad.

Belief your instincts. You’ll be able to inform if the opposite individual has your finest pursuits at coronary heart or in the event that they’re solely there to take benefit.

In the event that they don’t really feel dangerous utilizing you, you shouldn’t really feel dangerous walking away.

When Individuals Use You Quotes

1. “The alternative of affection just isn’t hate; it’s use. Use is the abuse of affection; actually, it betrays love. Once we use one other individual, we place their wants under our personal, however worse but, we place their worth and dignity under ours.“ ― Leah Darrow

2. “What most individuals must study in life is tips on how to love individuals and use issues as an alternative of utilizing individuals and loving issues.“ — Zelda Fitzgerald

3. “Belief is constructed when somebody is weak and never taken benefit of.“ — Bob Vanourek

4. “Spend your time with those that love you unconditionally, not with those that solely love you underneath sure circumstances.“ ― Suzy Kassem

5. “Individuals know who they’ll stroll over and who they’ll’t. If somebody is strolling throughout you it’s as a result of they know you’ll put up with it.“ — Sonya Parker

6. “I’ve grown uninterested in getting used; And I’m sick and uninterested in being accused; Now I’m strolling away from you; And I’m not coming again.“ — James Morrison

7. “For those who don’t get the higher of your self, another person will.“ — Evan Esar

8. “Immature love says: I like you as a result of I want you. Mature love says: I want you as a result of I like you.“ — Erich Fromm

9. “There isn’t a such factor as a people who find themselves all depraved and even all good. Everybody chooses. However even they, even they checked out individuals and noticed solely instruments. Nobody is a cup for one more to drink from.“ ― Catherynne M. Valente

10. “The extra you’re at everybody else’s disposal, the extra you’ll really feel like rubbish.“ — Christine E. Szymanski

Read: 7 Alarming Signs Of Passive Aggressive Behavior (And How To Handle It)

In A Nutshell

When individuals use you, it may be annoying at finest and completely emotionally damaging at worst.

With individuals who benefit from others, a sure sample of habits can usually be seen: selfishness, lack of appreciation, and a bent to control you.

To guard your self and nonetheless be capable of provide kindness to different individuals, you may defend your self by being agency about your private boundaries.

While you persistently ask for respect, individuals will begin to worth what you give them extra, and those that wish to use you’ll have a tough time doing so.

Recommendation for “His Secret Obsession” by James Bauer

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Take action now and discover how to unlock the secrets to your partner’s heart. By understanding the principles outlined in this guide and applying them in your daily life, you can nurture a stronger bond, improve communication, and reignite the passion in your relationship.

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