Do I Like Him or the Attention? How to Understand Myself


Have you ever ever discovered your self pondering that you just’re head over heels for a tremendous new man, solely to appreciate just a few months later that you just had been solely actually seduced by all the consideration? I do know I’ve. It may be complicated to acknowledge that we don’t all the time understand how we really feel about somebody deep down.

Fortunately, there are some easy questions which you could ask your self to assist perceive how you actually really feel about him. I’m going to provide you these instruments, and likewise present you some ‘signs’ that may mislead you. I’m additionally going to provide you some useful recommendations on what to do in case you search out consideration greater than significant relationships.

Key Takeaways

  • Typically you’re actually into somebody however different occasions you’re simply having fun with receiving a lot consideration
  • It’s necessary to not string a person alongside in case you notice that you just’re not genuinely excited by him
  • Give attention to understanding your self and what you’re searching for in a companion that can assist you kind higher relationships

How one can Inform If You Like Somebody or Simply the Consideration

You may assume that it’s all the time simple to understand how you’re feeling about somebody, however it’s not all the time that simple. Listed here are some necessary inquiries to ask your self, and what the solutions imply.

1. Do you deal with his emotions or your personal?

One of many first inquiries to ask your self is whether or not you take note of his emotions or whether or not you’re solely interested by how he makes you’re feeling. If you genuinely care about somebody, you deal with making them glad in addition to wanting them to make you cheerful.

If you happen to notice that you just solely care about how your man makes you’re feeling, that’s a powerful signal that you just don’t actually care about him as an individual. If you happen to’re enthusiastic about making him glad as properly, there’s in all probability one thing deeper occurring.

Extra: Avoid The #1 Most Common Mistake And Keep Him Hooked And Devoted Forever

2. How curious are you about different areas of his life?

If you’re solely excited by a person since you get pleasure from his consideration, you’re unlikely to be particularly excited by how his day went at work or whether or not he loved his early morning run. You’re not going to really feel notably curious or within the particulars of his life, or how he feels about them.

That is the precise reverse of the way you’ll usually really feel once you’re relationship a man you’re genuinely interested in. If he’s a man you may be excited by constructing a future with, you’ll be inquisitive about what’s occurring in his life.

3. How a lot do you speak in confidence to him?

Couple talking over coffee

In addition to interested by how curious you’re about his life, it’s useful to ask your self how a lot you speak in confidence to him as properly. Once we’re first attending to know somebody, we virtually all the time wish to make a very good impression, however that usually modifications shortly once we begin to actually fall for them.

It is because, though it might sound enjoyable to begin with, we don’t truly wish to be placed on a pedestal.[1] Once we genuinely care about somebody, we wish them to see us as we actually are.

Give it some thought this fashion. It’s beautiful to have the person you like discover you irresistible once you’ve dressed up particularly for him, however that doesn’t allow you to really feel solely assured. If he’s nonetheless head-over-heels for you once you’re hungover and grumpy the following morning, you’re feeling safe.

Letting him see your flaws and belongings you’re awkward or embarrassed about is taking a threat. You’re making your self susceptible to construct a more in-depth relationship.[2] If you happen to’re solely searching for consideration, there’s no purpose to take that threat. You’ll maintain displaying him your floor, excellent self.

Extra: Discover The Real Thing Men Crave But Will Never Tell You & Get Him Chasing You

4. Does the belief construct between you?

If you’re relationship somebody you care about, you take note of them as you’re making an attempt to make sure that they’re somebody you may wish to be with long-term. You’re always making an attempt to see whether or not you possibly can belief them and present them that you can be trusted.

If you happen to’re noticing the ways in which he’s displaying you he will be trusted and making an attempt to be there for him as properly, the belief between you’ll construct naturally.[3] That is a part of you opening up and letting him in.

If you happen to don’t really feel as if or belief him any higher after just a few weeks of seeing one another, there are two potentialities; both you’re simply searching for his consideration or he’s not making you really feel secure and displaying you that he’s reliable. Neither of those bodes properly in your relationship.

5. Do you concentrate on your future collectively?

Having fun with consideration from a good-looking man is all concerning the right here and now. You’re targeted on the current. It’s a chance to indulge in his consideration with no need to consider the place issues are going or the way you may match into one another’s lives.

If you happen to’re actually interested in him as an individual, you’ll in all probability nonetheless have slightly little bit of that sensation. In any case, all of us wish to bask slightly bit. Being within the second goes to be balanced by making an attempt to think about a future for you collectively as a pair.

If you fantasize about what it will be wish to be with a man long-term, you’re not simply creating a beautiful daydream. You’re additionally subconsciously problem-solving. You’re interested by what may go properly, and areas the place you may disagree or wrestle.

If you happen to wrestle to think about your future collectively, that’s not essentially an indication that you just’re solely searching for consideration. You may simply have loads of variations to beat. The warning signal is in case you don’t notably need to consider a shared future.

Read: Never Been on a Date: How to Prepare for Your First Date

6. Are you pushing for his approval?

This may sound counterintuitive, however being too targeted on whether or not he approves of you or not could be a signal that you just like his consideration greater than you do him.

I’ve already talked about how deep, intimate relationships imply that you need to be susceptible to one another. This implies being sincere slightly than all the time telling the opposite particular person what they wish to hear. If you happen to want him to see your true self, he clearly issues to you.

If you happen to solely wish to present him components of your self that he’ll like and approve of, you’re in all probability extra targeted on maintaining his consideration than being genuine.

7. Are you prepared to make compromises for him?

If you happen to solely like him for the eye, there’s no must compromise on something. You possibly can all the time discover another person to provide you consideration if he walks away, and also you’re probably not interested in a lot about him personally.

In truth, refusing to make compromises, and having him give in to your calls for, could make you’re feeling much more particular and necessary. You’re feeling highly effective and fascinating as a result of that he’s prepared to adapt and alter to maintain you in his life.

Alternatively, in case you’re eager to make compromises and discover options to issues that work for each of you, you’re working to construct a wholesome relationship between you. Eager to compromise is a fair higher signal than simply being prepared to let him have his personal means. You’re displaying that you just wish to create one thing that lasts.

Recommendation for “His Secret Obsession” by James Bauer

If you’re seeking to transform your romantic relationship and establish a deeper, more meaningful connection with your partner, I highly recommend watching this free presentation. This insightful guide offers practical advice, psychological insights, and actionable strategies that can truly make a difference in your relationship.

Take action now and discover how to unlock the secrets to your partner’s heart. By understanding the principles outlined in this guide and applying them in your daily life, you can nurture a stronger bond, improve communication, and reignite the passion in your relationship.

Clues that Don’t Inform You Whether or not You Like Your Man or Not

If you’re making an attempt to grasp the way you actually really feel a couple of man, there are just a few ‘signs’ or ‘clues’ that appear like they could assist – however they don’t.

Listed here are a few of the false clues and why they don’t imply as a lot as you assume.

1. You get butterflies interested by him

Couple in a flower field

You may assume that getting butterflies when you concentrate on a man should imply that you just’re actually into him. These butterflies are an indication of pleasure, however his consideration will be thrilling too. Sadly, butterflies don’t equal love.

2. You get nervous about seeing him

The identical is true of feeling nervous about seeing him. These nerves can simply as simply be about whether or not he’s nonetheless going to provide the consideration you crave, slightly than whether or not he’s hoping for a deeper relationship.

3. You place effort into your look earlier than seeing him

If you happen to’re loving the eye he provides you, you’re going to do every part you possibly can to just be sure you maintain that focus. This normally implies that you set effort into trying good earlier than spending time with him.

Read: He Doesn’t REALLY Want the Perfect Woman

4. You get pleasure from his bodily consideration

I’ve seen loads of recommendation that means that one signal that you just’re solely excited by him for the eye is that you just don’t need him to the touch you or to be bodily intimate.

That may be true for some individuals, however the reverse doesn’t maintain. You possibly can completely crave his physical attention, together with intercourse, with out wanting him in a extra significant means.

5. He makes you’re feeling particular

In fact, a man who’s providing you with his consideration makes you’re feeling particular. That’s one of many largest the explanation why we like to obtain consideration from males. It makes us really feel particular. There’s nothing flawed with having fun with feeling particular, however it doesn’t let you know something necessary about how you’re feeling about him.

6. You don’t take into consideration different guys

Whether or not you concentrate on different guys or not relies upon extra on you and your temperament than it does whether or not you actually care about him or not. Some girls solely deal with one man at a time. Once they fall for somebody, they’re not excited by anybody else in any respect.

Different girls (together with me) can have real, deep emotions for several different people on the similar time.[4] Most girls fall someplace within the center. Having emotions for another person doesn’t robotically imply that your emotions for him aren’t actual and significant.

Extra: Discover The #1 Thing Good Men Look For In A Woman – Get The Perfect Man For You

What If I Don’t Like Him however I Need His Consideration?

Now you could have the instruments that can assist you work out how you actually really feel about him, let’s have a look at what you are able to do in case you notice that you just solely like him for the eye. Much more importantly, what to do if this turns into a sample in your life.

1. Perceive why you’re feeling this fashion

Step one in coping with any issues all the time needs to be ensuring that you just perceive precisely what’s occurring. In terms of looking for out consideration slightly than deeper connections, meaning understanding why you’re feeling this fashion.

There are many totally different the explanation why you may want consideration greater than love. One of the crucial frequent is that you’ve got an insecure attachment style. Particularly, having fun with surface-level relationships slightly than discovering somebody you actually like is related to an avoidant or disorganized attachment model.[5]

You probably have certainly one of these attachment kinds, forming deep connections feels scary. You’re feeling extra comfy having shallow, short-term relationships.

You may additionally end up searching for consideration slightly than discovering somebody you actually like in case you’re insecure or have low shallowness, for instance following a nasty breakup or after an abusive relationship.[6]

One more reason that you just may date a man for consideration slightly than a person you actually like is in case you’re frightened of being alone. This will push you to leap straight into relationship the primary man who exhibits you consideration and affection with out asking whether or not you actually like him.

Read: How To Attract An Older Man In 27 Steps

2. Don’t string him alongside in case you’re probably not

When you perceive why you end up relationship somebody you don’t actually like, it’s time to set him free. It’s not truthful to maintain a man hanging round if that he’s probably not your sort or that you just don’t have any deep emotions for him.

You wouldn’t need somebody to string you alongside only for the eye, so just be sure you don’t deal with him that means both.

3. Work with knowledgeable

Most of the causes that you just may end up relationship a man regardless that you’re undecided whether or not you actually like him are deep and so they may return so far as your childhood. That implies that they’re in all probability going to take fairly a little bit of effort to repair.

The excellent news is that they are often handled and you can begin to have deeper and extra significant relationships. You may want some assist from knowledgeable, although.

Work with a certified therapist that can assist you course of your emotions and just be sure you don’t make the identical errors once more.

Extra: Discover the #1 Secret Ingredient To Attract Him And Keep Him

4. Take relationships slowly sooner or later

One issue that may make it extra doubtless that you just’ll end up in a relationship with a man you don’t actually like is that you just rush into relationships. You get carried away by the passion and the eagerness with out taking the time to work out whether or not you actually like him or not.

Take things slowly in new relationships. If you happen to normally go straight to seeing him 3 occasions per week, attempt setting a restrict of solely seeing him each 10 days for the primary few months. If you happen to’d normally think about changing into unique after just a few weeks, maintain issues informal for just a few months.

Use the additional time to actually consider carefully about how you’re feeling and what you’re getting out of the connection.

Read: 57 Cutest Texts To Make Him Fall For You


Is it flawed so far somebody for consideration?

It’s fully regular and okay to enjoy receiving attention from somebody you’re relationship, however that shouldn’t be the one factor going for you in your relationship. If you happen to’re not genuinely interested in him for who he’s, the kindest factor to do is to chop him free.

Am I a nasty particular person if I notice I used to be solely excited by his consideration?

Realizing that you just weren’t truly into the man you’re relationship doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s surprisingly simple to get confused about your emotions, particularly in case you’re having fun with his consideration. The extra necessary factor is that you just don’t string him alongside when you lastly notice.


Realizing that you just are inclined to date guys for consideration and affection, slightly than being positive that you just actually like him, isn’t good. It’s additionally a type of self-sabotage. Dig deep to grasp what’s actually occurring for you and work with knowledgeable that can assist you heal previous wounds.

Did you get pleasure from this text? Did it make it easier to perceive inform whether or not you actually like him or not? Let me know within the feedback and don’t overlook to share this text with another person who may get pleasure from it.

Recommendation for “His Secret Obsession” by James Bauer

If you’re seeking to transform your romantic relationship and establish a deeper, more meaningful connection with your partner, I highly recommend watching this free presentation. This insightful guide offers practical advice, psychological insights, and actionable strategies that can truly make a difference in your relationship.

Take action now and discover how to unlock the secrets to your partner’s heart. By understanding the principles outlined in this guide and applying them in your daily life, you can nurture a stronger bond, improve communication, and reignite the passion in your relationship.

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