Is It Hard to Find a Good Man? 39 Reasons & Secrets to Find a Great Guy!

why is it hard to find a good man

Why is it laborious to discover a good man? Emotional baggage, concern of solitude, and sticking in ‘meh’ relationships all contribute to the problem.

why is it hard to find a good man

So that you’re scrolling via your telephone, questioning why it’s so laborious to discover a good man. Belief us, you’re not alone on this quest—removed from it!

The web is full of swiping, DMs, and infinite first dates that go nowhere. It’s a modern-day conundrum: as related as we’re, many people discover it more and more troublesome to attach on a deeper stage.

This isn’t simply your run-of-the-mill relationship fatigue. This can be a query that has plagued singles for ages. So, why is it so laborious to discover a good man?

However hey, by the top of this, you may simply have the roadmap to discovering Mr. Proper—or at the least Mr. Proper Now.

[Read: The 41 best qualities of a great guy that sets him apart from lesser men]

The Causes and Psychology Behind Why You Discover It Laborious to Meet Good Guys

Let’s dive into the psychological culprits behind why it’s so dang laborious to discover a good man. This isn’t simply your typical “all the good ones are taken” lament, there’s some fascinating science at play right here.

So should you’re asking your self, “Why is it so hard to find a good guy?” these factors may provide some enlightening solutions.

1. Excessive Expectations and Beliefs

Ever marvel why your ‘perfect man‘ resembles a rom-com hero? Thank the Ideal Standards in psychology for that.

, the one who’s a modern-day Mr. Darcy but in addition cooks, cleans, and may repair your Wi-Fi? These beliefs typically stem from media portrayals and what our social circles deem as “perfect.”

So, when it feels laborious to discover a good man, keep in mind that generally the picture in your head is simply that—a picture. [Read: Lower your expectations: Best way to find love or complete BS?]

2. Paradox of Selection

Swipe left, swipe proper—so many fish within the sea, but we’re all nonetheless single. What provides? This is named the Paradox of Choice or Choice Overload.

The extra choices you could have, the tougher it’s to select, not to mention be pleased with it. It’s a psychological hiccup that makes you ponder, “Why is it so hard to find a good guy?”

3. Attachment Types

Keep in mind that ex who couldn’t commit? Or that different one who was too clingy? Your Attachment Style—be it safe, anxious, or avoidant—impacts the way you work together in relationships.

Understanding your individual model can provide perception into why it’s laborious to discover a good man who additionally suits together with your emotional wants. [Read: Attachment styles theory: Types and signs & ways you attach to others]

4. Social Elements

Ah, the ever-present peer and societal pressures! Give it some thought: household, mates, and social media all have opinions on who it is best to date.

From gender roles to social standing, these exterior elements can significantly cloud your judgment and add one other layer of issue to discovering an excellent man.

5. Cognitive Dissonance

Ever discovered your self making excuses for a man that you simply simply know isn’t good for you? Welcome to the world of Cognitive Dissonance.

This psychological gymnastics routine permits us to carry two conflicting beliefs, like pondering Mr. Unsuitable is Mr. Proper. It’s one other psychological curveball that makes it laborious to discover a good man. [Read: 31 red flags in a man who’s fake-nice & will only break your heart]

6. Unfinished Enterprise

Feeling caught in a relationship rut may very properly be since you haven’t but closed the chapter on a past relationship.

It’s not unusual to subconsciously examine each new particular person to an previous flame, making it laborious to discover a good man who stacks up. It’s important to tie up these unfastened emotional ends earlier than diving into the relationship pool.

7. Self-Sabotage

Ever discover how generally you is likely to be your individual worst enemy in love? Concern of rejection, fear of commitment, and even simply the concern of the unknown could make us sabotage potential relationships.

In the event you preserve questioning why it’s so laborious to discover a good man, possibly take a minute to ask should you’ve been throwing any wrenches into the gears your self. [Read: Self loathing: What it is, 25 signs & how to stop hurting yourself]

8. The Ready Recreation

You is likely to be below the impression {that a} good man will simply fall into your lap if you least anticipate it. Whereas that sounds romantic, it’s not essentially the most proactive strategy.

Staying passive in your search could make it laborious to discover a good man as a result of, let’s face it, they aren’t going to simply rain from the sky.

9. Unrealistic Timelines

Are you setting timelines for your self? Like “engaged by 30,” “married by 32,” “first kid by 34”?

These self-imposed deadlines add pointless strain and may make you accept somebody who is probably not best for you, complicating your quest to discover a good man.

10. The FOMO Impact

Concern Of Lacking Out, or FOMO, could make us perpetually stressed, all the time questioning if somebody “better” is only a swipe away.

This mindset not solely messes together with your head but in addition makes it laborious to discover a good man since you’re by no means absolutely invested in attending to know the one you’re with. [Read: What is FOMO? How to read the signs & overcome the stress it causes]

11. Wanting within the Unsuitable Locations

What number of occasions have we heard it? “There are plenty of fish in the sea.” However what should you’re fishing within the fallacious pond?

Going to bars if you’re extra of a guide membership sort of particular person isn’t going to extend your possibilities. Selecting the correct surroundings is vital to discovering an excellent man who aligns together with your pursuits. [Read: When a guy buys you a drink at the bar: What he expects & what you must do]

12. You’re within the Unsuitable Circle

Ever heard the saying, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”?

In case your circle isn’t supportive or is full of the perpetual singletons or naysayers, it would make it laborious to discover a good man. Time to broaden these social horizons!

13. Tolerating BS

In case your tolerance for nonsense is hovering greater than a SpaceX launch, you’re basically setting your self up as a magnet for, properly, extra nonsense.

See, right here’s the crux: Tolerance for BS typically interprets into a scarcity of boundaries.

Whenever you don’t set clear boundaries, you’re basically sending out an open invitation for individuals to deal with you in methods which might be lower than you deserve.

The psychology time period for that is Operant Conditioning. In the event you tolerate poor conduct, you’re not directly reinforcing it. The message you ship is, “Hey, it’s okay to treat me this way,” and that’s an enormous crimson flag for anybody who’s genuinely an excellent man. [Read: Ways to make your man realize your worth in the relationship & value you]

14. Overthinking It

Analysis paralysis, anybody? Whenever you’re hyper-focused on decoding each textual content or gesture, you’re not solely stressing your self out but in addition probably overlooking the larger image of the connection’s potential.

On this state of overthinking, you may miss out on the sort of emotional connection that really issues. Subsequent time you end up scrutinizing a easy “Hey,” keep in mind, over-analysis may very well be but another excuse why it’s so laborious to discover a good man.

15. Belief Points

In case your emotional baggage had been literal, even the airline would say, “Ma’am, you’re gonna must pay additional for that.

Trust issues may be like strolling round with a rain cloud over your head, making each interplay really feel like a downpour ready to occur.

You’ve acquired your emotional umbrella on the prepared, simply in case somebody exhibits their true colours and it begins to “rain.”

So let’s say a seemingly good man comes into the image. What’s the response? Suspicion, largely. As an alternative of basking within the glow of his niceness, you’re giving him the side-eye, pondering, “Why is he so perfect? What’s the catch?”

Your interior alarm bells begin ringing, like, “Alert! Alert! Too good to be true!” However right here’s the kicker: Typically individuals are genuinely good, they usually genuinely such as you.

In the event you’ve acquired belief points, it’s seemingly you’ll push away the precise sort of particular person you’re seeking to appeal to, making it laborious to discover a good man.

16. Going by the Guidelines

Yup, the guidelines—a well-meaning instrument that may generally do extra hurt than good. In case your relationship necessities are stricter than a Harvard admissions standards, you is likely to be capturing your self within the foot.

Focusing an excessive amount of on surface-level attributes like peak or profession could make you overlook different unimaginable qualities.

Merely put, adhering too strictly to your guidelines could make it laborious to discover a good man who brings extra to the desk than simply box-ticking.

17. Concern of Being Alone

Being alone may be scary, however leaping into the arms of simply anybody just isn’t the answer. The fear of being alone can generally drive you into relationships that aren’t actually helpful to you.

This concern can cloud your judgment, making you accept lower than what you actually deserve. Consider it or not, this concern is without doubt one of the the reason why it’s so laborious to discover a good man.

18. The Drama Magnet

Some individuals mistake drama for ardour. They suppose the fixed ups and downs add some kind of pleasure or “spice” to the connection.

Nevertheless, drama typically masks underlying points like lack of communication or respect. In the event you’re a magnet for drama, you’re in all probability repelling the great males who worth stability and peace, making it laborious to discover a good man price your time.

19. The Comparability Recreation

Within the age of social media, it’s simpler than ever to match your love life to others. These comparisons typically warp your sense of actuality, making you suppose that your choices are both too restricted or less than snuff.

The truth is often completely different, and this comparability recreation can significantly impede your quest to discover a good man.

20. Emotional Unavailability

Being emotionally unavailable is like going to a buffet however refusing to eat. In the event you’re not emotionally open, it’s difficult to draw somebody who’s.

Keep in mind, you appeal to what you might be. Till you open up emotionally, it’ll proceed to be laborious to discover a good man who’s emotionally invested as properly.

21. Sunk Value Fallacy

Oh, the sensation of funding—it retains you tied all the way down to relationships that aren’t fulfilling. The extra you’re feeling you’ve “invested,” the tougher it turns into to walk away.

However holding onto a mediocre relationship simply since you’ve already invested time or feelings will make it laborious to discover a good man who actually makes you content. [Read: 41 signs & proper ways to end a long term relationship & what to do next]

22. Affirmation Bias

The love for a similar TV present or interest could make you suppose you’ve discovered “The One.” Nevertheless, affirmation bias can trick you into ignoring potential red flags, thereby resulting in disappointment down the highway.

Whereas it’s enjoyable to seek out similarities, letting them overshadow every thing else will make it laborious to discover a good man who’s an excellent match in all of the ways in which depend.

23. Overvaluing Chemistry

Bodily chemistry is only one piece of the connection puzzle. Relying solely on that zing or spark can blind you to extra important compatibility points.

Overvaluing this side means you’re not contemplating the total image, which may make it laborious to discover a good man fitted to a long-term relationship.

24. Distinguishing Between Lust and Compatibility

The early days of a relationship can really feel like fireworks, however mistaking that preliminary attraction for true compatibility is a standard mistake.

That steamy starting received’t maintain a relationship in the long run, and getting caught up in it might probably definitely make it laborious to discover a good man you’re really suitable with. [Read: Lust vs love and 21 signs to know exactly what you feel for each other]

The Should-Is aware of and Secrets and techniques to Discover a Good Man

The seek for an excellent man doesn’t must be a endless cycle of disappointments. There are actionable steps you may take, primarily based on psychology and real-life expertise, to raised your possibilities.

1. Reverse Psychology

No, we’re not advocating for manipulation right here. However a contact of reverse psychology, or enjoying a bit laborious to get, is usually a great tool to gauge somebody’s real curiosity in you.

Typically if you draw back just a bit, it might probably make it simpler to discover a good man who’s genuinely considering pursuing you. [Read: Reverse psychology: What it is, how it works, 26 signs & secrets to use it]

2. Emotional Intelligence

IQ may get you thru faculty, however EQ *Emotional Intelligence* will get you thru life—and love.

Being in tune with your individual feelings, in addition to your companion’s, can enhance relationship satisfaction and make it much less laborious to discover a good man who’s equally emotionally clever.

3. Energetic Listening

All of us love speaking, however how about listening? Energetic listening is the key sauce that makes conversations together with your date extra significant.

Good communication can ease quite a lot of relationship woes and make it much less difficult to discover a good man who’s genuinely engaged in attending to know you. [Read: Ways to be a much better listener in a relationship & read their mind]

4. Operant Conditioning

Alright, nobody’s suggesting you practice your companion like a lab rat, however constructive reinforcement does wonders.

Encourage the behaviors you recognize, and chances are high, they’ll happen extra typically. It’s a option to create a extra harmonious relationship, thus making it simpler to seek out and preserve an excellent man.

5. Engaged on Being a Excessive-Worth Particular person Your self

Earlier than you ask why it’s so laborious to discover a good man, flip the query. Are you the sort of particular person a “good guy” could be drawn to?

Being a high-value particular person isn’t about being excellent, it’s about steady self-improvement, setting requirements, and sustaining boundaries.

By doing so, you’ll not solely appeal to an excellent man but in addition be geared up to acknowledge and preserve him. [Read: High value woman: 20 traits that make men respect & be in awe of her]

The place to Discover a Good Man

Simply because it’s laborious to discover a good man doesn’t imply there’s a scarcity— like we mentioned, possibly you’ve simply been wanting within the fallacious locations.

Let’s swap gears from understanding why you’re caught to taking actionable steps to un-stuck your self!

1. Mutual Buddies

Keep in mind the great ol’ days when individuals met via mates at home events? Seems, it’s nonetheless one of the efficient methods. Why? Psychological security.

Being launched via a good friend can add a layer of belief proper off the bat, making it simpler to discover a good man.

2. On-line Courting

Swipe proper, anybody? Whereas on-line relationship may really feel just like the wild west, it’s develop into a respectable option to meet individuals.

The idea of Parasocial Interaction means that even should you haven’t met but, you may nonetheless really feel a way of intimacy and connection via on-line exchanges, thus opening a door to discover a good man.

3. Social Golf equipment & Actions

what they are saying—do what you like, and love will comply with. The idea of Proximity means that the extra you see somebody in a non-threatening surroundings *like a interest membership*, the extra seemingly you might be to develop into drawn to them.

It’s like science is telling you to have enjoyable and also you may simply stumble into an excellent man!

4. Office Romance

Sure, dating a coworker comes with its baggage *can anybody say, “awkward team meetings”?*, but it surely additionally has its perks.

Interdependence Theory explains why relationships that begin at work may be so sturdy: shared targets, common interplay, and mutual dependence can create a robust bond. However tread rigorously; this isn’t for everybody.

5. Volunteer Work & Charity Occasions

Not solely do you get to provide again to the group, however volunteer work additionally places you within the path of like-minded people.

People who find themselves prepared to spend their time serving to others are usually kind-hearted and empathetic, making charity occasions a singular setting to discover a good man. [Read: Good guys vs bad guys – 30 traits why girls date nice guys yet crave bad boys]

6. Non secular or Non secular Communities

For these whose religion is essential to them, discovering a companion with related values may be essential.

Many individuals meet their important others via church occasions, research teams, or group service organized by their place of worship.

7. Guide Golf equipment or Writing Teams

For many who love the written phrase, becoming a member of a guide membership or writing group can provide a singular house to fulfill like-minded people.

It’s a much less intimidating surroundings, the place discussions movement naturally and you may gauge somebody’s mental compatibility with ease.

8. Health Facilities or Sports activities Leagues

Bodily exercise not solely retains you wholesome however can be a social endeavor.

Whether or not it’s an area health club, a group soccer league, or a yoga class, these environments present a relaxed setting for pure interplay. [Read: Gym crush: Ways to approach a guy & get him interested at the gym]

9. Alumni Occasions

Faculty alumni occasions is usually a surprisingly efficient option to reconnect with previous acquaintances or make new ones.

You have already got the varsity expertise in widespread, which is usually a sturdy basis for a relationship. [Read: What to look for in a guy – 40 things that make a man worth dating]

10. Networking Occasions

Whereas these are usually for skilled improvement, they can be a option to meet somebody who’s formidable and career-oriented.

Simply you should definitely keep a work-life stability in order that your skilled setting doesn’t fully dictate your private life.

Good Males are Not Legendary Creatures

Good males should not legendary creatures. They’re actual, they’re on the market, and with all this newfound knowledge, you’re greater than geared up to seek out one!

[Read: Is he into me or just being nice? 85 signs to gauge a man’s flirty interest in you]

Whereas it could typically appear laborious to discover a good man, the hurdles should not insurmountable. With a balanced strategy that’s each emotionally clever and virtually savvy, the journey from “where the heck is he?” to “ah, there you are!” is extra doable than you suppose.

Preferred what you simply learn? Observe us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your fortunate appeal to an exquisite love life.

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